I will not candy coat this to you... - lifespark - movement against the death penalty

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I will not candy coat this to you...

being a pen pal

I wish to thank you, for this time to speak to you at this international conference. I have been searching for a way to send this as an open letter, where many can hear this at one time. I will not candy coat this to you, and I will not use words of other people. I speak to you of my own free will, and my own words. You wish to know about this F-type prison isolation we have here. My friends, March 16th, 2007 will make six years that I have been here on Texas death row.

And to this very day, I would rather be living on the street than to go on living in here... Never in my life, have I seen such abuse before. And they do this with a smile I might add... Keep in mind, that I have friends, that have heard with ther own ears. They heard the warden say: "It is my job to cause the D.R. inmates as much hell as I can while I'm here as warden". And he continues to make rules that he has no right in doing so.

I am a psych patient, and have been for the almost nine years of being locked up on this charge. My sense of reality is almost gone. My eyesight gets worse with these very bright lights here in our cells. Which have been proven to cause harm and bad eye sight by the gouvernment... Trying to sleep on this steal bunk, day in and day out, has caused me alot of back & neck pain... Pain that only adds to what I have to go through already. And they do not care as they say they do.

Do you know what "TDC" stands for my friends? "They Don't Care"!!!!!!!!!!!! I have watched the guards run in and gas inmates. And they abuse their position every time... I have seen them run over inmates who were standing by the steel sink & toilet, the iron & steel table that does not move. And the guards are 250 pounds on up in weight. When they slam an inmate it is always beyond what the rules call for. And they brag about it afterwards...

Yes my friends, they have allowed the public to see what they called a run in, to show them how they do this suiting up on an inmate. What they did not tell you, was that it was set up... And not once have they allowed the public to see the real way and fashion they do this in... Not once have they allowed the public to go any further than "A" pod to see this being done. They play act the whole thing, and promise the inmates extra food if they go along with this!!!

You my friends, the public eye, will never see the real tapes, the real truth. In how they abuse us when they run in on us. They treat us all like animals, and these made up monster killers... And many of us are not like this in any way. Yet after so much abuse, even an animal will bite. We get tired of this abuse, and when we fight back, they say we are resisting. So this is their way to add even more abuse on top of what they do already. I have seen this myself!!!

I wish I could send you a bit of the filth that is on the floors where we live in here. You can look at the many prison bars, and see the thick layer of dust, and the gas that has piled up... You can see the dirt and filth all over this place. I am constantly washing my hands in here... Because so many inmates continue to get sick from this. You should see some of them in here... Most of the guards that work in here are sick themselves, and bring this in here to us so much.

They sneeze & cough all over the place. On their hands while they are serving the food in there, they scratch & dig on their body, and then grab the food trays and drink pitcher. They have their filthy fingers inside the drink pitcher while they try to serve this to us. They do not wash their hands, or even ware a hair net. And they do not care about this at all. I have seen them grab the food trays, and place their fingers in the food. Thinking we do not see this!!!

They fill up the food tray holder, and then go off and do something else. And they expect us to eat the same food after being left out there for over 30 minutes, with people walking back and forth and dust, hair, and other filth laying around everywhere. And they are close to the floor... Many of the guards have placed theses same food trays back in the food cart to reheat them.. And try to serve them again to us, knowing that they have dirt and hair and stuff on the food...

I have watched them, when they think we are not looking, take with their bare hands. Take food from one tray and place it on another. They eat a lot of the food themselves, telling the guy in the kitchen they did not send enough trays. They eat all the extra food, and will throw it out before they give it to inmates that are very hungry in here. And they have no money!!! I have seen them serve food that they know it smelled spoiled in many ways. They smile & serve it.

I have seen them coming out of the restroom they have in the bull pen, with their hands in their pants still scratching themsleves or whatever. And fixing themselves, fix their hair, and then go right to the food tray and serve our food, without washing their hands before...

I wish you could see the filth and dirt, dust and black dust, that they have circulating in here. It builds up very fast, and you can scrape this with your fingers. And it is all black and very thick like in form. We have to breath this stuff everyday. This is not fresh air in anyway!! They do not use filters to catch all the germs and dirt they have blowing in our cells.

They scrub the shower with water only, and think this is OK and sanitary for us. They have them so filthy, you can see the bugs flying around in them, and the junk that builds up on the walls. The drains are backed up, and keep over flowing with sewer. And they want us to shower in them. I'm a man, and I worry about getting sick more & more in this place. They do not clean this place as they should. They only mask over the already dirty floors and showers and bars...

They have no control over this place, yet they think they do. They put our life at risk when they continue to hire 60, 70 & 80 something years old guards to work in this place. They have more health problems than we do. They can't see well, hear well, walk well, or much else in here. They have old ladies working on Texas death row, because they can not find anyone to work here. They have two shifts, and not one of then is full at any time. Which hurts on visiting time.

They know that these cells were built to cause harm to anyone that had to live in them. They use them as a long term living area. They were not built for this. This is pure torture!!!!! And this comes from a man, that was locked in a room for the 12 first years of his life... They do so much hurtful things, this has caused me to stay on antidepressants. To helps me make it through the day, and to help me control my anger as well. They cause you to do this!!!!

They are the reason that I have anger management issue. They are the reason that I had to go to Jeaster IV, a mental health unit. And they almost killed me while I was there. Because they were giving me medicine that I was allergic to. And they knew this as well. They were testing new drungs on me, and I thought the rumors were not true. They are true, because it happened to me. I went through that for five months and five days, before they sent me back to death row...

They have no church program here, or any other program that can help us in anyway. The so called priest / ministers that work inside of here are not real, they are very racist, and they do not help each person that asks for help. They lie to you the public, and say that they pass out so many bibles and other books to us. They do not do this, and they keep them for themselves!!!!! What they call a priest in here, he is nothing more than someone who serves the devil!!!!!!!

I wish you could see the inside of this bulding that we live in. It is falling apart... When it rains outside, it rains in here. It runs all over the place. The whole building has to many wide & long cracks, that they leak very bad inside our cells. And they will not fix them. The windows leak and it pour water all over the things that we have in our cell. Regardless of how they try, there are so many bugs, spiders, ants, and yes, even termites live in here too!!

They have flys and other insects flying all around this place. In our cell, in the shower, all the drains, the dayrooms, whereever you go. The guards go around spitting snuff juice all over the place. On the floor, the drains, which they never seem to hit. They spit all over the building. Even when they pass out our food, mail, and whatever else. They are laughing and cutting up, and we see the snuff being spit out of their mouth all over here where we live...

What few guards they do have working here, they do not care about this place or us!!! They are more concerned about grabing and feeling on the female guards. And seeing who can have the most sex after work. They will sit and talk on the phone all day long while they are in the bull pen. Only when the rank comes on the pod, will they get off the phone. They do not go by the rules they make. But expect us to go by them. They break more of the rules than we do...

They treat us all the same, even though many of us are not violent offenders. They are the ones that are causing the most damage to the whole building. And they blame the inmates for it. You already know they over charge the state for anything they have to fix in here. Which is not very often, because they can not keep anyone working here for very long. They treat them just as bad as they treat the inmates. That is why they can not keep a full staff at any given time.

As I sit here typing this, I can see a guard picking his nose in the bull pen, wiping it on his pants, and then touching everything. They have no respect for themselves or for us... Many of them have illnesses that are worse than ours. They take more psych meds as well.

I continue to have a lot of mental health issues, because of this place. No matter what I do or how hard I try to stay out of the way, they will make sure each inmate gets trouble.... This is a supermax prison, and many of us do not meet the requirement to be placed in here. Little research as been done on this facility. This is another form of torture that affects us mentally. I know I did wrong, and I'm sorry for this, but this place is not the answer here...

I'm trying to be good, and stay out of trouble, but they do so much harm, it gets old very fast!!! They say we are treated right & fairly, and given the basic things that we need everyday... All this is a lie my friends. Who eats spoiled food, who takes a shower that is not clean and has bugs flying all over it, with the drains backing up while you shower, who want to breath recirculated air that has all kinds of dust and dirt in the air and is not filtered....

They have so many old people working in here that are a safety hazard to our life. They have the same amount of younsters working in here, that are not trained for this line of work. So they come in here with their own rules and ways of doing things, and do nothing but stir up alot of trouble for us. They promote guards just to keep them working in here. I want out of here... Why can't I be allowed to work in the fields of something, instead of being caged up all day.

They have so many inmate on medication, that do not need it, but have to take them now since they have been on them for so long. These are not doctors, nurses, or psych doctors... They are what you call leaning while they go to school. And they get to practice on us here. If you were to place an undercover health inspector to work in here, you will see that they could have to shut this place down. The state does not know what they are doing in here.....

After each execution, I have seen them dancing around in the visiting room, and having a big party, saying they got another one. They make this out to be a party each time an execution takes place. They brag year after year, that they will get more the next year. Many of them that work here, want to see us executed. They smile to our face, and wish us death in the back. I have asked them why they will not help me get this place cleaned up. They said they do not care!!!!!

I do not want to give up this fight, but this abuse we go through gets old after such a long time. Many times I have wished that I were dead, just so I could not have to suffer anymore in here. I struggle to make it each day in here, and to try to be positive with my penfriends. This is such a battle for me. I'm so tired of this abuse, it hurts my head, I get flashes of pain that shoot behind my eyes. My head throbs and hurts, from thinking what will happen next in here...

With regards, I thank you for your time.

Sam Bustamante #999380

Polunksy Unit - Livingston, Texas

(February 2007)

 
 
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